Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Little Bit About Me.
On that day I was walking down Peachtree street in downtown Atlanta headed towards the crackhouse with five dollars in my pocket and no other way to get any money. I had just lost my job as a waiter at an upscale restaurant and was looking for somebody to sell me a five dollar hit.
I wish I could tell you that I suddenly had a "spiritual awakening." I wish it was as dramatic as all that.
Instead, I got a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrored windows in one of the skyscrapers. Here's another wish. I wish I could tell you that I saw myself in the window and felt such shame that I immediately decided then and there that I would never use drugs again.
Nope, didn't happen that way at all.
Instead I took a step in the direction of the crackhouse. Then I stopped. Then I took another one. Then I stopped. I waited a few seconds and took another step. Then I stopped.
I began to notice how tired I was. And I thought about me walking the twelve blocks to the crackhouse in the sweltering, humid afternoon. I thought about going the rest of the day and all of the night without anymore money to buy crack with. I thought about the withdrawal pains. I thought about missing the check in time at the shelter. But most of all I thought about how freakin' hot it was.
I thought about how weary I was. And that's when the thought hit me. I call it the thought and not my thought because it was a thought that was so alien to my experience at that time. To this day I still have a nagging feeling that the thought was actually thought for me.
The thought was this: "F*** this, I'm going to rehab."
To me it feels like the thought was given to me if you will, by some entity who realized that I never would have come up with that thought on my own. That I needed help. Someone who was me but a higher part of me.
Hmm... maybe that was my spiritual awakening after all. But I digress.
It was strange but after the thought popped into my head I wasn't tired anymore. I made it to the shelter on time, I got up at four o'clock the next morning and walked directly to the rehab, determined to sit there until a bed opened up. If there was no bed that day I'd come the next day.Fortunately a bed opened up that day and I was accepted. How do I know it took? I used part of that five dollars I had intended to buy crack with to buy something out of the vending machine in the lobby. I stretched that money out for weeks.
I don't know what made me tell that story. Something to get off my chest, I suppose but why?
By the way, this blog is about to go through some changes. I've gotten a new domain name, DoingYourList.com. It's not ready yet but soon.
Don't you wanna donate to the cause?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Where The Hell Have I Been?
I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.
It covers:
- The best blogging techniques.
- How to get traffic to your blog.
- How to turn your blog into money.
I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It's All Black And White Video is Live!
Anyhoo, the show has got a new webpage and there's a new video production company out there... are you ready? Here it comes...
It's All Black And White Video
Really, you should come check it out.
Don't you wanna donate to the cause?
Saturday, November 29, 2008
People Pleaser
Not because I don't have anything to post about on the list, 'cause I got plenty. It's just that I'm finally having fun doing something on the list and I'm spending so much time on it.
Said item on the list is the show. How cool is it to do something you love and not care if it's popular or not? It's been said "Do what you love, the money will follow" but I guess that love means complete and total acceptance of a thing. And I really love the webshow... as lame and as cheesy as it is.
Speaking of the show do you wanna see it? The link leads to the new website but there's a link that leads directly to the videos
http://www.itsallblackandwhitevideo.com
But I think that I can really make something of it. This may actually be my breakout.
I've always wanted to perform but I have what they have this... this shyness problem. If you were to come to the Starbucks I work at you'd never know it because I'm so freakin' happy all the time. For the most part the happiness is genuine and if you knew what I went through in my life you'd know that my escape from my past is why I'm so happy.
But there's a form of desperation in my happiness. A way of people pleasing that I never grew out of. A form of "please don't hurt me and I'll be your friend" kinda thing, y'know? Performing in front of a camera with my best friend seems like a positive way to deal with the people pleasing aspect of my personality.
I honestly can see myself in the future writing scripts and being on talk shows and mingling with famous people and being a famous person. I am really grateful for this list. It's opened up a whole new world for me even if less than 1% is completed.
Jeez, I do ramble don't I. More later.
Don't you wanna donate to the cause?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I Bought The Company
Oh my God I love this thing so much that I bought the company!
Okay, maybe that’s not so true but I want one so bad I became a affiliate so I can buy one. I WANT ONE!
The gizmo, not the girl. Well, okay the girl too if she comes with the gizmo.